So, I got in touch with Joel's mom and his friends in Cali and they've been so 'helpful'. as in helping me cope with this. after i wrote this long email to his mom, everything came out and I just felt so much better. I felt like i've said what i wanted, what i would have said at his memorial and its time to go on. im going to get an necklace urn http://www.everlifememorials.com/cgi-bin/store/html/images/pen-cyl-filigree-a.jpg
to keep a bit of his remains. some ppl have said thats weird, im not so sure.
i've got a bunch of stock pix i need to upload once these midterms are over.